Take charge!!!

Today is the last day I'm in Shangri La. I don't feel a thing... Neither sad nor happy. I'm a bit worry and nervous. Worry that what would happened and nervous for the things in future.

I had a last meal with Saffee, he was my colleague. He told me about his experience in Lafite. He used to be working in Lafite until last July he being transferred to Room Service kitchen. It does feels weird having a last meal together, since that we never had gone out to eat. Toward the end of the dinner, he send me back and we said goodbye.

Until even that moment, I wasn't sure what am I doing, leaving my job even the job in US still does not confirm yet. It's a big risk!! But I took it. Because for the past few months, I'm not being myself. I used to be the person who always in-charged. When I was in school, I'm the person who in-charged almost every single projects, no matter it's a small group project or big college project. So I decided to take charge. I'm going to make the US project works. I'll do everything so that I could get my foot to step in the US soil. Yup... I'm in-charge of my future again. I'll do everything to make it work for me.

That's it... It's over...

Have you ever feel that you used up?? I can say that I am. During my study I always dreamt about working in top kitchen in a top hotel. But then I'm working in top hotel but not in a top kitchen. Being working in Shangri La, gradually I feel demotivated. Because of the time schedule and the kitchen that I'm working in. Being a top student in college, it doen't help if I'm stuck with the job that I don't like. Don't get me wrong here. I like being in the kitchen, I like working with pans and pots. The heat, the tenses and the fast pace work life. It just that in the kitchen that I'm right now does not gives me the thing that I wanted. It feels like there always something missing whenever I step in the kitchen. This week is gonna be the last week I'm working in Shangri La. Yup, I'm resigning effecting this Thursday. I'm gonna be jobless this Friday. I have to start all over again. Sadly, I'm only lasted for 2 months in Shangri La. I feel like I had lost the focus that I used to have.

Lazy Monday...

The very first thing that running in my mind when I woke up this morning was my current job situation... And I pondering on it for quite sometimes on my bed until I heard 'ding' form my pc letting me know that I have a new mail. It was from Karen. She made a comment about what I wrote last night. She made a comment that I had thought about it last night. Presumed that I will ever get my foot in US soil by next year, I have decided to let go my job in Shangri La. It's not because I'm confident enough to get a job later, but because I know I will get a job that I really want. I've been working in Shangri La for 2 months, and all I can see is that, I really learn nothing. It just that I'm working in the kitchen wherelse everything had been done, all I have to do is the finishing touch. I didn't pay RM 20,000+ for my education that!! Now, all I'm hopping is that, I got thru the process for US job. If I didn't get that, I think most probably I will end up in KDU. I still have plan for my future but let's say don't get excited over it. I like to keep it open for any other option in future.

Then later, I looked at the clock, it was 10am. I just realized that John and Ed are on the way to Penang... Hmm.. It's weird, I kindda missed them... Not only me, but Suleen too... We just had a week spend together, but the bond is different. It's funny come to think about it. Later in the afternoon, she was telling me that when they had to leave, she almost cry... Then I told her that I had to leave early last night coz I didn't want to be so dramatic... Hahaha...

Later on at the evening, me and Theo had a drink in Dharoos. We were discussing about life and career. Yeah, I feel the pressure right now, and thanks for a long week of silence between me and the guy in London who arrange my working paper in US, it just make me all shock up and anticipating. Theo was telling me, all about his fond memories when he was in London with Ariel and bunch of Malaysian there... I felt a bit jealous. Jealous that I had to spend my teenage life in Malaysia, all I have been is in Malaysia. All I want is when someone talking about living aboard, I can say "been there, done that!" Hmm.. I'm really hopping that I got all cleared to go to US!!

I have done my resignation letter. I decided to resign on 1 October. I know I took a drastic measure. But it's me. I'm all erratic. By the 5 October, I will be in Penang for few days.

I'm not so certain...

I'm feeling really mixed up and a little bit confused. I'm leaving my job in Shangri La soon, but I'm not sure if I managed to work in US. I feel like loosing control. Control over my own decision. Can't decide. I chatted with Chings, she told me the group breaking apart. Then, she add one sentense at the end of our conversation... That I'm leaving... That's makes me realizes that the time are pretty soon. I'm very very nervous now... Over Shang, over New Orleans... And from today's experience, that Edward and John leaving, Jenny Korea message me in Friendster that she missed me... I feel sad... Coz I'll know, by the time come, when I'm leaving... I would be on my own. It's not like I'm going to study, coz it would be different, I'm going to work... Rite now, I feel the loneliness that I might faced when the time comes.

Have a nice trip!!!

To Ed and John... Have a nice trip to Penang and Thailand... And Have a safe back home to England!!! It's been a pleasure meeting you guys and I had such a good times hangout with all of you!! Take care!!! HOPE TO SEE YOU GUYS AGAIN!!

Gmail!!

Finally I got my Gmail!!! Thanks Adrian for inviting me...

The night...

Hmm... It was a bit disappointment.. Why? We planned to go to Hard Rock but ended up at Bangsar... Parry supposed to come with me but endded up she took a rain check. Then Bangsar was really sucks!!! PHARMACY sucks!!! But I had a good time knowing some new friends... Hahaha... And was a bit cuckoo afterwards... But anyway... I had fun with them...

....

How do you feel that one of your friend having to deal with herself that she having a tumor in her brain? I'm devastated... I'm speechless... I'm sad... But all I can give endless support...

For you, friend... I will pray for your well being and take good care of yourself... Don't give up... Keep on trying... If you need anything, let me know... I'll do my best to help you. Believe in God... It's not the end yet... Be strong, my dear...

Dinner...

Dinner with (L to R) John, Adrian, Suleen and Edward @ Kayu Nasi Kandar.

It's up again!!

Hey... It's been a while... Yeah.. I'm too lazy to type... But now since I got my digicam back, I'm in the mood again! Ok.. For the past few weeks, I'm a bit busy with working. My social went all low, no more yum cha (late night drinks) with Susan nor Chings. They didn't call me anymore. I hardly went to gym, even when I'm working in morning shift. I had to do overtime which lasted for 2 hours. So it's kindda late to go to gym. But early this week, Suleen introduced me to this 2 twin lads from UK and one Malaysian working in UK. John and Edward and Theo. So basically we went out almost everynight.

OOhh.. there's a lot of thing to say about my current status.. I'll have to write it out later... So later...

Blog? Argh!! I'm lagging...

I'm haven't been updating this blog since 2 weeks ago... I'm lagging since I think I'm not happy with the current situation... I will spend sometimes later next week to update it!!

It's a NO or it's NOT?

I don't know how many times I've been asked with this question when I'm meeting a new friend. At first I was really mad bout it... but it has been a norm to me. And the answer is NO, but I'm not sure if I really mean NO as NO or as a MAYBE NO, but at the moment it's deffinately NO... Hmm.. You guys must be wondering what I'm talking about.. But just let me the only one who know... There's still one thing that bother me, if that person could ask other friend about it, why he or she doesn't has the gut to just ask me at the first place... Sometime people are more likely to believe on the assumption that they made by themselves instead finding the truth. I still living the horrid moments that I lived a year ago... I just can't forget about everything... I'm too tired about it, and too tired to keep it going..

Something in my mind...

In the future I will try my best to write something that I had wrote, like my thoughts and stuffs in this blog site... It's the purpose of having this blog site... I was asked by Chings to do so, since she's trying to compile everything personal from friends for her book. There you go Chings...
This is my personal poem that I wrote when I was in Penang...

Time 16.02.2004 18:01

He never promise me that he can stay nor wait
He never says that I can hold nor slow it
He never tells that it can heal what was hurt
He didn't asked me to bring what had done for tomorrow
He never pursuade to keep all the guilty that is inside me
He never talk or whisper when I'm alone
He just passed me unnoticed
I just aware that he's there
He just who he is that keep me suffer for the moment
He is what he is that always there for the future...

Bon Voyage...

Oh shit!! I forgot about Ricky... He left to USA last Friday, I didn't even greet him farewell... Ric, if u reading this, GOOD LUCK IN YOUR STUDY!!! And will seeing you when I'm in New Orleans... See yaa!!! As for now, Parry, Karen and me will miss ya!!! Take care!!!

The pop-up window...

Announcement!!!

I realised that there's a window pop-up every time you load my blog site. I don't really know about this. I'm not affiliate with the site whatsoever... So just close the window or use a pop-up blocker. I'll try to look-up the codes to find out where is the pop-up installed.

Thanks.

Talking over relationship and future undertaking...

I had a chat with one of my close friend today... She just been asked to be someone girlfriend. She don't really like to be his girlfriend but she like's him as a friend. But now, she's confused... She wants to be in relationship, but not with this guy. I guess that, sometime you have to tell the truth and be honest about it. It hurts now, but overtime it will not as pain as if you lied for first time.

Over the weekdays, Parry was looking for more information about furthering her study abroad... Yeah... It's good for her, since she can't decide what to do in her life... Me too... But I have to stay focus on what I'm doing now... I want to become a pastry or if got a chance I want to be a kitchen designer. Not for home kitchen,

but for industrial kitchen aka in hotel and other production kitchen... I had the interest last year when I did a subject about kitchen design and management in KDU... And I had a praise from Mr. William Kua about

my design (although it was a group project, but my group member were a bunch of FUCKER, they used to be a group of good friends, until that moment, I got to know that they ditch me from behind... It was another story, I had to design in myself and drew it myself), he said it's the best layout he ever seen since teaching part-time in KDU for 4+ years. Wow.. I was so proud that moment and that moment, the only group member that say thanks was Eric... The rest was smiling out proud!! WHAT A BUNCH OF ASS HOLES!!! Anyway, Mr William Kua, used to be a chef in New Orleans, until that he got back here then he started to join this company who design some well-known kitchen for hotels all over the world... I still hoping that I could be a kitchen designer coz it had to do something that I imagined to be when I was young...

Calvin & Hobbes...

THAT'S LIFE!! SUCH A RIPPED-OFF!!!